Leny 80 – Those Whose Footsteps I Want to Follow

Lighthouses. They live among us. Perhaps they lack lanterns, but their smiles, their words, their entire beings radiate energy, joy of life, and a desire to live. They appear as relatives, neighbours, or as teachers, and though often not consciously acknowledged in our daily lives, they wield a significant impact on us. Sometimes they become closely intertwined with our lives, other times they pass through as strangers, momentarily intersecting with our journey. You can recognize them by how they function as compasses within our souls, providing support, guidance, and strength in the tougher moments of our lives.

I’m fortunate to have several lighthouses guiding my life. Now, I want to write about one of them, Leny, who will turn 80 at the end of August. Leny is one of my role models, an endless source of inspiration, and most importantly, my friend.

Our friendship began as an ordinary teacher-student relationship sometime in 2016. I (then) 43 years old, was navigating my family integration in the Netherlands after our move from Hungary. Juggling between work and family, sometimes I arrived at the classes with enthusiasm, other times with exhaustion, and occasionally feeling defeated by my struggle with the Dutch language.

She (then) 73 years old, always awaited me after her morning sport (running, skating, walking in the forest,…) with a radiant smile, graceful elegance, and mischievous blue eyes, accentuated by her ever-present lipstick.

As my Dutch vocabulary and language skills expanded from class to class, we began sharing more of our personal lives. The more we learned about each other, the more apparent it became that despite our differences in age, origin, and culture, there were numerous remarkably similar threads of history and emotion running through our lives. Our Dutch classes slowly evolved into intimate conversations, offering deeper insights into each other’s lives over the years. It’s strange and heartwarming to realize that she, a Dutch woman in her 70s, and I, a Hungarian woman in my 40s, often share more similar opinions on various topics than we do with our own generation or fellow citizens.

As a woman in my now 50s, Leny’s 80 years long life provides me with a genuine guidance. Through her personal stories, my belief got stronger that love, beauty, and a joyful life are possible even after the most challenging and traumatic life situations. She is the living evidence that curiosity, the joy of life, and openness to the new don’t necessarily diminish as we are getting older.

“I truly began to enjoy life after turning 60. There were many good things before, but since then, I’ve truly relished every moment,” is a phrase I often recall during moments of less optimism about my own old age.

“I might not live to see it, but I’d love to witness how the world evolves 15-20 years from now with the spread of artificial intelligence! I hope somewhere over there, I could still see it,” perfectly summarizes her curiosity that extends beyond her physical existence.

In the past 7 years that we have known each other, much has changed around us and within us; I turned 50 this year, and she will turn 80. Few things remained constant, but Leny’s incredible energy, unquenchable curiosity, openness to the new, and love for life still radiate with the same vigor as when we first met. Regardless of the physical or emotional state I am in when I come to our meetings, I always leave EACH AND EVERY TIME filled with energy and gratitude. Her completeness in appreciating the everyday beauty and joys of life, her presence in the lives of her family, friends, and broader community – none of it has changed.

We always ask the participants of our UnfOlding – Conscious Ageing program to consider who their role models and positive inspirations are when it comes to ageing. It’s perhaps not surprising that they never mention famous or popular figures, but rather ordinary people from their lives: older relatives, teachers, neighbours, colleagues.

Just as Leny serves as an inspiration for me today, maybe I am also (consciously or unconsciously) a good or bad example for a younger relative, acquaintance, or colleague gathering experiences for their own long life story, their “ageing script.”

If we want to change the perception of ageing and elderhood, we can start by changing ourselves. Let us be the positive examples for each other and the generations to come, demonstrating that ageing has not need to be the dreaded physical and mental decline, but a natural transformation process stemming from a long life.

P.S. Leny, I know you’ll read this so this part is specifically for you: While writing this post, I remembered our countless funny, sometimes unbelievable stories, our shared laughter, the moments when we rooted for each other, as well as the jointly experienced sad life situations that made us shed tears together. Thank you for being you, being a part of my life; this means a lot to me. Gefeliciteerd met je verjaardag!!!